David Yurman Signature Eau de Parfum (David Yurman)

I've always had this concept of "bridal" fragrances being as sheer and delicate as a tulle veil. When I voiced this viewpoint to a friend of mine, her eyes went wide. "No, no!" she exclaimed. "Don't you know how stinky a bride gets on her wedding day?"

I confess that I do not. Rather than the conventional Big-Ass White Gown, I wore an airy faux-vintage green muslin drop-waist dress to my own September courthouse nuptials-- and I don't remember breaking much of a sweat.* (Even the presiding judge remarked on how relaxed my spouse-to-be and I seemed. As he confided to us in tones of rue, "We have couples who enter AND leave fighting, with an 'I do' somewhere in the middle.")

Back to my friend: "Brides wear the heaviest, most cloying fragrances they can find to cover up the smell of fear," she asserted. "Deodorant failure comes with the territory. Why do you think they carry those huge, heavily-scented wedding bouquets? It's not just to give 'em something to do with their hands!"

"So would you call this a bridal fragrance?" I asked, passing a wrist that reeked of David Yurman Signature under her nose.

"Hell yeah. Plus, you don't want to wear something you love on your wedding day. You'll be so stressed out, you'll end up hating it forever."

David Yurman is a trendy high-end jeweler best known for his twisted silver cable bracelets and massive square cushion-cut gem pendants. Personally, I've never been keen on his designs, which -- along with Paloma Picasso's metal squiggles and X's -- will forever recall the excessive Eighties. But having developed a true love for Paloma's fragrance, I figured I owed DY Signature a chance. I really have no idea what made me conclude that it would be bridal-- maybe it was all those hideous engagement solitaires which have become Yurman's latest stock-in-trade.

As it turns out, I may have been onto something.

From the first spritz, this overbearing peony fruitchouli strikes fear into the heart like the biggest and baddest of Bridezillas, rejecting all niceties to shriek full into your face, IT'S MY @$#%&! SPECIAL DAY. A cocktail of Organza, Rampage, Pleasures Bloom, Secret Obsession, and Jovoy Chypre all worn at the same time might aspire to its decibel level-- not that anyone would be so insane as to try such a thing. (Would they?) If what my friend says about bridal B.O. is true, this fragrance provides the ultimate connubial camouflage. It also explains how so many brides end their wedding day with a honeymoon-endangering migraine.

If were a new bride, I'd consider David Yurman Signature an incentive to work hard toward marital success, because I sure as hell wouldn't want to wear it more than once in a lifetime. Still, what do I know? Having been never a bridesmaid and only once a bride, I can't assume this fragrance is a total fail just because it doesn't quite fit within my own peculiar wedding experience. That's why I'm giving this fragrance the benefit of my doubt... and a wide berth.

*I pretty much looked like Cold Comfort Farm's Elfine Starkadder before the Cousin Flora makeover. And I wore Attar Bazaar Tunisian Frankincense, as I have all throughout this happy union. But we BOTH are addicted to watching Bridezillas-- why? Beats me.

Scent Elements: Mandarin, blackcurrant leaf, peony, water lily, rose otto, patchouli, woods, musk