Kismet Perfume (Pierre Vivion)

Everything is a conceptual perfume by Dutch installation artists Lernert Engelberts and Sander Plug. It consists of the contents of nearly 1,400 sample vials representing every major fragrance launched during 2012. The blended result: 1.5 liters of über-fume. During a week-long installation, samples of Everything were decanted for visitors, who I imagine led extremely lonely existences after daring to wear it in public.

Do I want to smell Everything for myself? No, thank you. Something tells me that it -- like most of the 1,400 individual fragrances that went into it -- is more likely a great big Nothing.

Perhaps Lernert and Sander were inspired by this essay on "millefleurs" by Luca Turin to create their Frankenfragrance. Or perhaps they were inspired by Kismet Perfume by Pierre Vivion Inc. of New York. "Blended in U.S.A. with Perfume Imported From France," says Kismet's faux-riental packaging (emblazoned, of course, with gold-stamped Mughal onion domes). If so, "perfume" is a term used very loosely by both nations to describe the combined smells of tinfoil, halitosis, and sweet citrus, all whisked up together in a sickening witch's brew.

Again: no, thank you. Kismet is one fate I can't accept.

Scent Elements: Horror and degradation. And possibly a shot of FD&C Yellow #5-- seriously, it's the color of pee. I'm afraid to decant it into a spray vial, because people will think I'm in the habit of carrying urine samples around in my purse.