Whips & Roses (Kerosene)

On the Kerosene website, perfume-reviewer-turned-perfumer John Pegg describes his creation thus:
...The first spritz reveals a sharp citrus and rose scream. It’s at this time, the floral shop is empty of patrons until an hour later a biker chick enters the fray. Slowly, her black jacket begins to collide and become one with the flowers, until all that remains is musk and leather.
Now that is some purple perfume prose. I'd nominate it for the Prix Eau Faux if I didn't have so many other pressing questions. Why is the biker chick's jacket colliding with things? Is she having a seizure? Why is it happening 'slowly'? Are the laws of relativity suspended in this florist shop? Is that why the rose is screaming? How can there be a 'fray' to enter when the shop is 'empty of patrons'? Where did they all go? How does this place stay in business, anyway, selling flowers that scream?

Even more mysterious to me is how everybody else seems to get roses and leather from this thing, when I get plastic, dried oregano, and Robitussin (impressions seconded by my husband, who characterized what he was smelling with the words "pleather pizza"). Is Kerosene like Le Labo, supplying descriptions that are the exact opposite of what's in the bottle? By those standards, I should expect Unknown Pleasures (Pegg's Joy-Division-inspired fragrance) to smell less like Earl Grey tea and waffles and more like rubbish-strewn Manchester during the Winter of Discontent.

And you know what? After wearing Whips & Roses, listening to Joy Division has never seemed more appropriate.

Scent Elements: Bergamot, blood orange, rose, jasmine, gardenia, iris, sandalwood, musk, leather.